The Talk
by Hanyounoshikon
Summary: After being caught attempting sex, Kagome's mom calls Sesshoumaru informing him of what has happened. So now it's up to big brother Sesshoumaru to teach InuYasha about sex, or else Inuyasha won't be able to go any further with Kagome.


**Our first completed parody on fanfiction! Excitment indeed! Well just as the summar says, this is "The talk" with the experienced Sesshoumaru, the older brother, and the VERY inexperienced InuYasha. And you'll understand what we mean by inexperienced. **

**As you can tell, this parody was done only by Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha, aka turtlequeen2 and Kawii Inu'no 45. Don't worry, other parodies with the other members will be included on here as well. **

**Disclaimer: We do not own Inuyasha. All characters belong to Rumiko Takahashi. **

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After Kagome's family catches Inuyasha and Kagome on the couch, Kagome's mother immediately calls Inuyasha's older brother, Sesshoumaru. In order for Inuyasha and Kagome to continue their sexual relationship, Inuyasha must get "the talk" from his big brother.

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Inuyasha could see his house in the distance. Oh the last thing he wanted to see was his brother right now. Why did Kagome's mom have to call Sesshoumaru?Why couldn't they have been Kagome's room instead of downstairs on the couch? Damn their hormones.

If he only had better control, he might have thought twice about trying to do "things" with Kagome on her sofa! There was no turning back now, Sesshoumaru was home and probably expecting him. Inuyasha groaned, he hated this. He knew Sesshoumaru was sexually active, and now Sesshoumaru was going to know that he was going to be sexually active! "I hate my life..." Inuyasha groaned, walking across his yard and to the door.

Sesshoumaru was extremely amused with the call that Kagome's mother had had with him. Supposedly his little brother was finally trying to go beyond just kissing his girlfriend. He didn't know whether to feel proud or just utterly amused. When Inuyasha finally came in, a smirk crossed his lips. "Inuyasha," he began, not even saying anything else. He knew that Inuyasha knew he was expecting him.

Inuyasha chose not to speak as he entered the house, closing the door behind him. His gaze was shifted downward, staring as the ground while he walked. He was unable to look at his brother. But he didn't even have to look at him to know that he was smirking! It angered the hanyou. "What?" He finally found his voice after a moment of silence.

Sesshoumaru smirk nearly grew into an outright grin. "So, my little brother has decided to finally take the next step with his girlfriend..." he trailed off, not even sure if he was taunting or teasing his brother.

Inuyasha's face burned red and he narrowed his eyes at Sesshoumaru, finally able to look at him. "Shut up!" He snapped, not able to say anything else.

Sesshoumaru tried his hardest not to laugh at his brother's childish reaction, but refrained from doing so. "I don't see why you should be so embarrassed by it," he told Inuyasha.

"Look this is the last conversation I ever wanted to have with you, if any at all! I do not need you to be smirking, teasing, taunting or anything else you think might give you a good laugh, got it!?" Inuyasha growled out, his anger surpassing his embarrassment.

Sesshoumaru scoffed, his tiny bit of fun dissolving. For now. Getting more serious, he said, "Well, if you weren't so careless with your hormones, you two would not even be in this situation, now would you?"

"Oh don't you talk to me about hormones! I hear the kinky things you and Kagura do in your room! The walls aren't thick, Sesshoumaru!" Inuyasha retorted back, recalling the horrible nights in his mind. The things that he heard from that room very vivid in his mind and Inuyasha shuddered.

Sesshoumaru only blinked, not even caring about the nightmares he may or may not have given his brother. He then shrugged. "What I do with Kagura is in the privacy of my own room. I don't use the front room's living space," he pointed out, indirectly telling Inuyasha that he knew everything regarding the situation he was caught in.

Goddammit! Did she have to tell him that they caught us in the living room?! Inuyasha screamed in his mind, shifting his gaze away from Sesshoumaru. "S-So what if we were in the front room!? Kagome said her family wasn't going to be home for hours!"

Sesshoumaru shook his head. "First lesson, little brother," he began. "Except the unexpected. Anything can happen." Looking at the back of Inuyasha's head since he turned away from him, he added, "In other words, use your head more often."

Inuyasha couldn't believe he was actually having this conversation with his brother. It seemed like a horrible nightmare and he hoped he was going to wake up soon. "I guess I can't really avoid this talk..." Inuyasha groaned. And if he wanted to take that next step with Kagome...he was going to have to listen to what words of wisdom his brother had to offer. But how awkward was it that he was getting not only getting the "talk", but also advice.

Sesshoumaru shook his head at what his brother said, agreeing with him. "Not unless you want to remain a virgin for the rest of your life," he replied bluntly. "You should know more than most at how stubborn women can be."

"Yeah…especially Kagome's family..." Inuyasha snorted, rubbing the back of is neck. He was debating to whether to sit or remain standing. Finally coming to a decision, he sat down in a chair that was farthest away from Sesshoumaru. The farther away he was from him, the less embarrassing the whole conversation would be. Or at least he hoped so.

Deciding not to avoid the conversation that needed to be had, Sesshoumaru looked at his brother. Hoping that his "shy" brother would take to this idea more, he ordered, "Tell me everything you know about sex. Every time you pause, I'll fill in the blanks."

"W-What?" Inuyasha blinked, his face cherry red.

Sesshoumaru sighed. "What do you think is more awkward: me telling you everything or you letting your pride take over and telling me how much knowledge you possess on the subject?" He knew how his brother's mind worked regarding a man's pride. He hoped it wouldn't backfire.

Despite his own pride being at stake, telling Sesshoumaru what he knew about sex didn't seem all that...appealing. "O-Okay...w-what I know about...s-s-sex is t-that it involves, most of the times, a man and woman...h-having i-intercourse..."Intercourse was just as bad as saying sex and Inuyasha couldn't believe he just said that. He could feel the blood rush to his face and wanted to die.

Sesshoumaru sighed. "That's like you saying that sex means sex. That isn't specific." He then paused. "Unless you really don't know how to do it?"

"I-I know how it's done!" Inuyasha quickly defended himself, wishing he wasn't blushing like an idiot right now.

Sesshoumaru raised his eyebrow. "Oh? You do?" he asked. "Then, what exactly do you need to learn?"

"I don't even know why Kagome's mom called you! I know about sex! I know what happens and the consequences of sex and I'm pretty sure Kagome does too!" Inuyasha could feel his body perspire a bit, he was getting a bit uncomfortable...oh hell, he was so uncomfortable with this topic. Oh why Kagome's mom have to call his older brother? For some reason, he thought this was probably a bit of revenge for almost deflowering her daughter.

Sesshoumaru still looked at his brother in a funny way. "Then why do you suppose it took you so long to make a move towards Kagome? Knowing how sex works from a textbook is completely different from actually doing it." Pausing, he then added, "You need to be prepared for the possible pitfalls that no one in a textbook would even mention."

"I-I didn't know if she was ready for that step or not!" Inuyasha said in his defense, but his voice was shrinking and squeaky. Inuyasha coughed a few times, trying to hide the fact that he was becoming more uneasy by the second.

"Well, how did the topic even come up in the first place?" Sesshoumaru asked him. "I can't imagine that you never brought it up even once up until now."

"Well...we were alone in her house...and we began to watch a movie...and movie she picked not me, but she said she didn't know what was on the movie...and it...had people...having sex on it..." Inuyasha said, ashamed of himself for admitting that so easily to his brother. Did he have to tell him all of that? Couldn't he lie? Dammit, what was wrong with him?!

"So without that movie there, in other words, you two would have never tried it in the first place," he murmured, knowing that it was the truth.

Inuyasha was about to snap at him but realized he was right and his head dropped. "Yeah..." For some reason right now, the hate for his brother was at a new point.

"So, honestly," Sesshoumaru thought aloud, "You mainly need the confidence."

"Well...I'm going to assume that Kagome's mother told you when they...well walked in on us..." Inuyasha mumbled, indirectly telling him that he was going in that direction, despite him being extremely shy.

Sesshoumaru nodded, knowing what his brother was hinting towards. "That's in the past now, however," he reminded him. "How will you be able to bring it up to her again? Do you think you can do it with confidence?"

Once again, Inuyasha began to speak but his head fell and he shook his head, doom seem to be looming over his head. A question itched in the back of his mind, a question he might have not answered in the past but now he needed to know. "H-How do you have the...c-confidence to...do it?"

"It'll take practice, for one," Sesshoumaru told his brother. "You can't expect to be perfect at the first try. If something goes wrong, don't get too upset about it."Thinking upon it more, he added, "Don't think of sex as some activity reserved to the highest degree. If you keep placing it so far ahead of you as some impossible task, you'll never be able to do it right."

"So that's how you get your confidence to always...do that with Kagura?" Inuyasha asked, not able to face his brother still as he spoke.

"Yes," he replied. "After enough practice, you'll both get enough experience and knowledge as to how each other's body responds to what. Once that happens, you'll both have the confidence to have sex without as much..." he paused, looking at his brother, "...embarrassment."

"Okay, fine I admit it! We're both very inexperience and have no confidence in this field whatsoever! GAH! Even after we had saw a part of that weird movie I couldn't even look her in the eye!" Inuyasha admitted, running his hands through his hair.

Sesshoumaru resisted the urge to get amused by Inuyasha's confession only because he knew it would throw off the positive direction they were moving towards. "As I've said before: practice and believing that the task is able to become possible to accomplish will go a long way," he emphasized.

Inuyasha lifted his head, his face red. "So...even if Kagome and I...somehow...manage to screw up our first time...if we continue we'll get better?" Inuyasha asked, slightly confused. It was almost as if his brother was encouraging him to be very sexually active once he began...

He lightly scoffed. "Well, do you imagine that you'd just do it once and stop for the remainder of time?" Knowing that his brother would snap at that comment, he quickly added, "Don't force yourself to keep doing it to the point where you dislike it. When the urge comes and both of you are willing to have sex, then I see no reason why you shouldn't try."

"Well I know that! I don't want to keep forcing on something on Kagome if we both don't like it at one point..." Inuyasha said, his voice trailing off. Inuyasha was a bit relieved that he had Sesshoumaru to talk about this. If his mother or father were still alive he might have just avoided this conversation all together. At least Sesshoumaru wasn't giving him a lecture on how sex was sacred and should wait till marriage. He certainly didn't think that way.

Sesshoumaru allowed Inuyasha to roll around the thoughts in his mind before finally responding. "Inuyasha, is there anything else that you want to know?" he asked.

There were tons of questions that racked his mind, but there was one in particular that he needed to know. "Kagome's mom...gave Kagome birth control pills...but..." He trailed off, indirectly telling his brother about the thing he needed. Condoms.

Sesshoumaru nodded, knowing where his brother was going with his sentence. "Wait here," he told Inuyasha before going to his room. Opening up his dresser drawer, he pulled out an unused box of condoms and returned to where his brother was waiting. He then proceeded to throw the box towards his brother, knowing that he would catch it.

Inuyasha caught the box with ease, examining it quickly. Another question entered his head as he looked up at his brother. "Umm...do...they...ruin the mood?" Inuyasha asked.

"Only if you're not used to them," Sesshoumaru explained. "You have to practice putting them on so that you don't take twenty minutes to figure it out during a frantic time." After pausing, he added, "You also need to get used to them being on so that pleasure isn't lost."

"I have to...practice putting them on?" Inuyasha asked, sounding a bit shocked.

Sesshoumaru nodded. "Did you expect something like that to work with perfectly with your body the first time?"

"I honestly don't know..." Inuyasha answered honestly. "...ummm..." Inuyasha looked at the box and noticed there was a size label on it. "They come in different sizes?"

"Yes," he said before pausing. "If they don't fit, I'll give you the money to buy your own box."

Inuyasha hated to know what size his brother used. That might have been a bit too much information given to him, but he couldn't really complain. If these didn't fit...well that just meant he was smaller than his brother. That somehow pisses me off... Inuyasha thought, remaining silence.

Sesshoumaru could see the slight expression of irritation on his brother's face. "What?" he pressed, curious to know what had set Inuyasha off.

"Nothing..." He murmured, his eyes still fixated on the box.

Sesshoumaru shrugged, not really caring what his brother was thinking anymore. "Anything else you want to know?" he repeated.

Inuyasha, trying to push away his previous thoughts, began to try and think of anything else he should know about...sex...before officially closing the subject with Sesshoumaru. "Umm...does the first time...hurt her?" Inuyasha asked, not all that well-informed in how much pain the female would receive from sex.

"It depends on how you go about it," he answered. "If you prepare her beforehand or if she..." he trailed off, trying to find the best way to word the next thing he was going to say," ...prepared herself before you commenced with the act, it won't hurt her as much. However, if you just forced your way inside of her, her muscles wouldn't be used to something like that and it could hurt her immensely."

"What do you mean...'prepared herself'?" Inuyasha asked, not really understanding what Sesshoumaru meant.

Sesshoumaru wanted to smack his forehead at the question. Shaking his head, he tried to explain. "I don't really think she does it, nor do I want to imagine it. However, I meant that if she... touched herself in a way that gets her to orgasm, she wouldn't be in as much pain."

That was Inuyasha's limit, the blood rushed to his face and he grabbed his face, hiding his face from Sesshoumaru. The thought of that...well it appeared in Inuyasha's mind and he couldn't contain himself. Such arousing thoughts...

Sesshoumaru sighed at Inuyasha's reaction. He should have expected it, but he also had no other way to explain it other than to directly say the word.

Inuyasha inhaled, despite the nose bleed that wanted to happen, trying to calm his thoughts and his body. After a few minutes, he was able to calm his body down, finally. "S-So...okay...b-but what about next time and so forth? Does it always hurt her?"

Sesshoumaru shook his head. "It won't always hurt her. After some time, you'll both begin to feel pleasure from it. Just don't expect instant gratification from your first or third times. It takes time to get used to it."

"Um alright..." Inuyasha knew what to expect now. He idly wondered if Kagome's mother was as blunt with her as Sesshoumaru was with him. Tomorrow...or maybe the next day...or sometime later, he and Kagome were going to have a very...VERY long talk.

"So, is that all you want to know?" Sesshoumaru questioned for the final time.

"I-I think so...is there anything else I should know...or to expect?" Inuyasha asked, not wanting anything to be left out.

"Not really," Sesshoumaru said, shrugging. "Many things you learn about sex happens with experience with your partner. You're not going to get it perfect every time."

"I guess I only have one request to ask you then..." Inuyasha began, inhaling and exhaling. "...PLEASE DON'T TELL ANYONE ABOUT THIS CONVERSATION OR WHAT KAGOME'S MOM TOLD YOU! Especially Kagura!"

Sesshoumaru snorted. "I wasn't planning on it," he replied, being honest. Why would he embarrass himself by telling others that he had to teach his brother about sex?

Inuyasha was relieved, and stood up with the box of condoms. "Umm...thanks...I guess..." And with that, he darted upstairs into his room.

Once Inuyasha left his sight, Sesshoumaru let out a soft chuckle, sounding like he held it in for a long time. "It'll be a long time before those two get anywhere far..." he predicted under his breath, walking into the kitchen.

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**We enjoyed writing this. Expect to see more Sesshoumaru and Inuyasha moment threads as well as some stories with the other characters included as well. Be sure to check out our profile page for the link to the actual RPG forum. We are still looking for more members. **

**Reviews would be nice! **


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